i can NV

i must NV

i will NV

and that's it.

a No means NO, no matter what!!!

I'll will never compromise!!!

It's not a matter of fact of can or cannot, but whether want or dont want.

I just cant

*cherry blossom is the sweetest feeling, ain't it?*

I don't understand how you can smile all day long but cry yourself to sleep at night.

How pictures never change but the ppl in them do.

How forever turns into few short months that you'd do almost anything to get back.

How the ppl who once wanted to spend every second with you, think a few minutes of their time is too much to spare.

How ppl make promises despite knowing how common it is for promises to be broken.

What i did

Basically a brief summary and run through what i did this week.

Mon:

Cab to work with Fion, and i swear that's the last time i ever gonna leave my so late. The next time i'll just booked a cab or something like this instead of waiting for cab at 8am. We went popeye after lesson, i just had it last week not long ago. After which, we went to catch a movie at Shaw "despicable me", quite a nice show but i slept 3/4 of the show. What a waste of moneh!!! After that accompanied Chloe to get padding for her heels at Watson then i cab home.

Tues:

after work, we went home to rest for few hours, then thereafter went Bedok 85 for supper. Had sore throat, so i ate porridge and that's it. Sat there chit chat gossip until 2am plus then went back home for our beauty sleep. Few hours only, and it's time to go sch. So fast man!!!

Wed:

Ate Carls Jr for dinner, actually i told myself not to eat fried food but Chloe like so happy over it and i felt that i had to give in, if not i feel so bad. We shared Western Bacon doubles and surprisingly i'm not full u know. After which we went to Kbox for K, and Eric kept all the tidbits from me. Sang till quite late, cab home with the Marina Square Kia (fion)

Fri:

went home to take nap, drove out ard 8+ to meet Fion and Deborah in town. Chit chat makan shop till 11+ then we went to Mustafa to meet the rest of our Batchies.

Nasron

Nasron told us this, and i'll never forget:

People like this exist for a reason, they exist to make the others more bonded.

They existed to make our life more interesting, and i couldnt agree more.

Despicable me

I finally got to watch my long awaited Despicable Me.

But sadly, i dozed of 3/4 of the show. Damnit, i'm gonna be the joke in the class again. I told myself i wanna be low profile, and i think it'll never work nb.

actually

Actually, i think she's cute.

hahaha, that sounds creepy :x

A packed weekend

I had never had such a packed weekend.

All my schedule, sleeping, computer time is layed out so nice till i'm so surprised.

I enjoyed my weekend, with my new friends.

Some from malaysia, some from Singapore. All of us from all walks of life, it's really an experience.

We strived to be the best, and we will be the best :)

I simply love my batch

the guys are overwhelming

the guys are dominating

we have more guys than girls.

we're having a sausage party while other batches are the donut factory.

But, so what?

we're cool, we're awesome, we're bonded, we're tgt, we're in it together.

We Cover Each Other's Ass, that's the most impt part.

I'm quite close to one of the Actor from Mediacorp. Probably we're both action mama, we always animate, act and act and act. But that's what i'm good in, we're able to mould our facial expression, and i'm enjoying it.

My class is really very fun, because there's alot of guys and alot of us are really crazy. As in, fun to be with kinda crazy. Not those kinda clubbing siao or what, just funny.

Although it's really very tiring, one week really passed by very fast.

nothing's gonna change

wow, guess what?

somebody's Batch came into my class to visit us.

*clap clap clap*

Life is a Bitch ain't it?

First day of Work

All i can say first day of work is great, i kinda had fun. Tried my best to remain low profile, like my ns days, gong gong dai dai pass the days.

Of course not act stupid la, as in do all the necessary things and not the unnecessary things. Like Bill Gate says, if you cant make it good at least make it LOOK GOOD.

First day of work was very draining, damn tired, my brain went blank at around 4pm. Not processing much, by 5p.m i'm alr gone. Nothing is going in, back in UNIs or JCs, if i dont like the subject i'll just pon. Bloody hell, how to pon when you're working. You got to keep ur ass glued to chair, toilet is out of the point.

Thinking back when i was teaching, students going to toilet like nobody's business. I think once they start working, they'll cry.

At around 6pm, i'm alr like a Zombie walking out from work. Tiring day, but indeed fulfilling and i'm looking forward to tomorrow. Oh yeah, 2nd day of work and we're gonna have test. HAHA, wish me luck :)

true

Somehow it's damn true, when u're working you tend to expense more.
But when u're not working, you'll expense less cuz every cents is precious.

The other time when i started working as a Relief teacher, i spent at least $1000+ to $2000 on what i cant rmb. I only rmb buying a camera, whole set of working clothes that lasted me 2weeks of working days. New leather shoes and good food.

Now i'm starting my training, i spend all this money on a more expensive pair of working shoes, a belt that i never dreamt of buying because it's damn expensive. I'm looking a shirts from Zara and Top man, moving away from G2000 concept.

Human nature i guess, omg!!!
Think i need to cut down on my expense, but the problem is i dont feel heart pain when i spend on all this.

If it was the past jobless me, i'll never buy that pair of shoes and belt. I'll just make do with Neo Look $29.90 shoe, and cheapo $10 belt.

Hospital

Reached home after K at around 2.30am. Kinda late for K because i met Sally for dinner/movie, it was a long tiring day from signing to measurement to movie dinner then Kbox. I had so much to tell Kun they all, but cuz k-ing therefore didnt talk much.

Reached home, around 3plus, my dad suddenly told me he wasnt feeling very well. He couldnt breath and was suffocating, immediately i changed into my CJ shirt and send my dad to TTSH. Seriously, i tell u ar, i wanna cry man. When i clutched in, i almost cried out. I went in full force, my the biting point doesnt bite at all. It means i didnt exert enough strength to engage the gear box.

When i finally manage to send my dad to TTSH, my ankle is throbbing. Ended up my dad had to stay over for observation, so i drove home alone. The journey back almost killed me, especially the clutch thingy. Now i wish i drove a damn bloody Auto car, at least my ankle wouldnt have to go thru this.

Slept at 6am, woke up at 11plus to pick my dad up from hospital. My ankle didnt have enough rest, so throb all the way to TTSH and CTE jam like nobody's business, NB. I had to clutch in, clutch out, clutch in, clutch out, inch forward all the way from AMK ave 1 to aft Braddell. That's hell lotsa clutching i dare to say.

Reached TTSH, immediately passed over to my dad, and nua at the passenger seat. Damn bloody painful la, nb.

measurement

I was the first few to finish signing the deed, went to take my measurement. Dad dropped me off at city hall and i had to take a train there by myself. By the time i reached there, all those who are behind me were there taking their measurements.

How nice.. .. ..

So i'm theoretically the last, but well it's ok since my movie starts at 5.30pm. I was so excited taking measurements cuz i have never taken measurement before in my entire life. Everything went well, and i use to wear size 44 and now i can fit into size 42 which was an achievement.

I believe if not for my ankle sprain, maybe i can fit into a smaller size with my continuous effort of jogging and working out. Now i'm only limited to upper body work out, and some times need to be careful so i wouldnt injured my ligament or nerve which is connected to my ankle.

Can't wait for the next measurement to take place, same goes for the training. Monday, i'll be starting work, so damn excited hahahahaha.

a long time

it has been quite some time since i ever go out on a date, dress nice nice, eat nice nice.

Enjoying that moment. hmmm, just what am i thinking?

Idea dismissed hahahaha

Nightmare

It was the most horrible nightmare I ever had for years. It was as if my house was haunted or possessed/occupied by the power of the evil spirit, the feeling, the atmosphere and the surrounding. Shiver up my spine, MAX/like totally.

I dreamt that an evil spirit came to visit my place while i was sleeping, it entangle me and i was suffocating. The feeling was so real that it sends a chill down my spill. The entire setting was, i'm dreaming and in my dream i'm having a nightmare. Like a recurring nightmare, i was haunted. I couldnt stop praying in my dream, and the moment i started praying my goosebumps came popping out and i kept reciting the prayers. From "our father" to "hail mary" and "the apostle creed"

Whenever i woke up, i dont know whether am i dreaming or am i not. Or maybe, in my dream i woke up but in fact i was still dreaming. Difficult to tell whether issit reality or issit a dream. It persisted until my tuition started. What a night!~

excitement

I was so excited last night, because i realised i'm back to shape. My endless jogging had paid off, was so happy and everything.

Ended up today everything went clashed. I sprained my ankle, BLAH!!!

All my effort gonna go down the damn bloody drain. wth.. .. ..

Worst thing is, what if i bai ka on my first training, kao!!!

River flows in you

Nothing to do at home, practises my keyboard every other day. Playing river flows in you, to end's love and Kiss the Rain.

Its totally Oh my lala la, Kiss the rains sounded so simplistic but when i looked at the score i almost died choking. So complicated, plus my fingers aint that flexible, so screw it la.

Other than that, been jogging and eating Maggie Mee if i'm at home. Bad for hair, hair loss had to go Yun nan, waste money.. .. ..

my quote since april

1 year had passed, since i put this

Step 1: I am always half full, i'll never be half empty.
Step 2: look ahead and not look back.
Step 3: be happy

Well, i extended it again, for another one more year to remind myself. It will be the top post for another year.

I think i had accomplish all the steps, but the problem is had i really accomplished?

ahahahah, philosophical Q&A sucks.

bad habit

My bad habit still unable to shake off, hate last min change of plan.

Meaning, hate last min backing out.

Well, guess i get to get use to it, nb.. .. ..

touched

My student actually asked me when am i going oversea?

If i'm going alr, they wanna come to the airport and see me off T.T

tired

i feeling so tired every single other days, not due to the fact that i dont have enough sleep. But the matter of fact that, im aimlessly doing nothing every afternoon. But at least i'm pretty occupied by jogging every single other day and night, which is rather fulfilling. Kinda wanna get back to shape before work starts, trim off that damn 8kg i put on during that bloody examination period.

Well well, that aside, i'm actually giving 9 tuitions plus another 2 new enrollment. Sadly i got to say no to them, because of my new career, and on top of that im gonna stop giving tuition to 2 of my other tuition kid and concentrate on my other 7.

Another new headache, i dont know who to pass them to. I dont wanna let them hanging loose, but i couldnt find any eligible tutor for them at the same time. Damnit, sian.. ... ....

Probably see how things go, OH, and i met up with Shuen. Found out abit bout my job, so now more or less i know how things work :)

fresh grads

Fresh grads are boring, we do nothing but stay at home everyday.

Peers and friends are working.

Only free time is after 7pm, the time left before 7pm stay at home and nua.

I use to think that, shiok, dont work nua at home. But i take back my words, hahahaha. Staying at home can be such chores. So bored until i started packing my room, moving my furniture, shifting it, throwing away books and clothes. Now i only need a Sofa bed to complete my set, everything will be just fine and big enough.

Why do i need such a big room for?

Beats me, better then when it's small. Cant wait to get a tv in my room and a PSP3 or Xbox360 or a WII.

I made it

I made it!!!

After first round of interview

Final round of management interview

last round of Medical review

I received the call on July 7th 2010 4pm

"Lionel Lee? Here to inform you, you cleared your medical please report to STC on the August 5th for your training."

I have made it, i'm so happy that i hop around the corridor outside my house.

cuz.. ... ....

i picked up the call when i was out :)

This is like a dream come true, aside from cleaning the toilet etc etc etc

ironic

So what's with the all good guys are either taken, dead or gay.

I think all nice girls are either taken, dead or lesbian :)

what the hell?

If u're friendly, people say u're flirt

if u're nice, people say u're hypocrite

if u're concern, people say u're fake

what the hell?

In this god damn whole 7years, i only had 2 r/s. If u think i'm flirt? It's probably u're useless, so stop judging me using that superficial means of yours.

I dont go around saying "i miss you" to every girl or stuff like "i wouldnt mind doing this just for you", or "i'm waiting for you">

I'm tired of "you look like a player" too, sickening.

Just to make myself clear :)

final round

i passed my final round :)

tml will be my medical, hope everything shun shun

good news

i actually pass the first 4 rounds of the interview

tml will be my final 2 rounds, nervous and excited

*hyperventilating*

Grew up

the biggest enemy is not others but yourself.

If you conquer yourself, u're ready to conquer the world.

I dare to say, i'm ready to conquer the world.

Jealousy, self denial, conceit are just additional emotions.

Explore ur weakness, and improve to be a better person :)

Me

If you think i'm childish, if u think i cant grow up.
Sorry, you're wrong.

I merely retain my child like self, i'm matured just that i choose to be childish :)

hmmmmmm

有一些事不是说忘就能忘，不是说睡一觉起来一切都没发生过。

我觉得我总是活在自己的回忆里，人家常说爱得越深恨得越深。

我还在弥补我的过失，失就是失去的失。

每天读着man are from mars, and woman are from venus,没事没事就看看爱情偶像剧。

虽然一点都不真实，但是看着人家幸福的爱情里画上一个句点，总有一种甜蜜的感觉。

在路上走着走着，看着每个人幸幸福福的手牵着手，心里总会感到一点低落。

Everyone asked me, had i moved on?

Confidently i'll tell them yes i have, but deep within me. Had I?

How many times, there's a chance right infront of me and i let it slipped pass me again and again and again.

An invisible phobia, especially towards schooling girls, who's in Poly, or in Uni. Because I just dont feel secure, i dont feel secure at all. I'll have the mentality they'll be unhappy and meet some new guy and then just dump me aside.

What everyone sees are what i choose to show, what's actually inside me only i'll know. I may seem to be optimistic, cheerful, playful and enjoying myself. But how many people actually uncover that layer of cocoon and see what's beneath it? A defenseless naked caterpillar lying there helplessly. Thinking bout the stupid and lame breakup reasons back then, thinking what have i done wrong.

I cannot be like Edmond, one after another, moving on so swiftly.

I cannot be like Kun, so happily tgt with his love one.

I cannot be like Mingtai, happily enjoying his life of solitude.

This darkness, at times, is so dark that i lose my direction. I love my family, and all my best friends are like my brothers. All of you are part of my family, that is to say, if something happen to me you all wouldnt be here, i'm okie with it. But if something happen to you guys, i'll be there immediately.

When listening to my mp3 playlist, people always ask me, why i like to listen to emo songs. Actually i'm used to listenng to emo songs, to the extend that i had no idea i'm listening to emo songs. Some how i find that, it suits my mood. So am i right to say i'm feeling emo everyday? I doubt so right?

Some times people asked me, had i moved on?

My answers will be, "i still look at her facebook"

Some times, when i go to Hougang Mall, there'll be alot of fond memories. So i choose not to go there as much as possible. I use to study at Kovan everyday and i switched to Rivervale Plaza.

People also asked me, if given a 2nd chance what will i do?

I have no idea, joke of the day indeed.

Because anyone in a clear state of mind will say Hell No.

Some times people asked me why i like to sigh?

I'll say, i have no idea. Just some habit i develop after April Fool.

Some times people asked me, why i still have her photos in my hp. Why dont wanna delete?

i have no idea too, i dont look at it too. I just have it, and it just happened to be there.

I missed the feeling of having someone to be there when you need them, having the shoulder to lie on, knowing everything will be fine as long as the someone is there.